I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
