The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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