I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
