P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
