Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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