Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
