It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
