i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
