Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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