i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
