Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
