I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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