Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
