found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
