Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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