how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
