this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize