I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
