Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
