If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
