Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk is not a location!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
