will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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