This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
