Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize