whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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