I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
