im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just had sex on a roof
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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