dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
