just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
