i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
