So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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