ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
