I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize