apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
