I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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