you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
