Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
