I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize