You're a womanizer and a bitch.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
