Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
