He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
