Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
