I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
