She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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