i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
