Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
