see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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