I just made out with a guy for $7.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
