I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
