I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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