Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize