Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize