My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
