I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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