dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize