Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
