I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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