you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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