AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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