I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
