Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize