Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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