Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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