just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
