Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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