I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
