You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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