And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
