Just cropdusted the office
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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