You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
