I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
