Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
