I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
