I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you didnt know i had herpes?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
