i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
