Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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