Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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