She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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