upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Pooping to opera.
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