He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
