its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
