I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
