She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
