I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
