I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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