hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
