There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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