Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
