Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
