If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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