3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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