you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I want a musical about memes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
