u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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