And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
