Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
