The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
