He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
