Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
