Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
